Saturday, July 19, 2008

near wild heaven...but not near enough!

I want to fall in love so well that the rationale clouds in my head won’t make a difference; the conviction out of it should be stronger than the gravity of a black hole…well, that’s what and how it should be…ideally. And as the legacy of love as such suggests, all the greatest lovers had that conviction, somehow.

It’s not that easy…I can’t override the rational mind and apply my emotions right away, cause at each moment, my rational mind is evaluating my emotions, checking them against a zillion things. WHY?

I hate to be so cautious, but I don’t know any other way.

It also happens because I feel I need to be ‘right’ about everything that I decide. The difference is, I should ‘feel’ the rightness rather than arrive at it or ‘calculate’ it. It is what we call intuition or going by the heart….hmmmm…see, I know how I need to be. Very well indeed, but I am not there yet.

Or is it that love happens despite all these things being there, and somehow your state of mind is a combination of rational and irrational (emotional) outlooks towards that one person…?

I think I need to take a breather and not wreck my brains out over all this…but I’m not thinking of all this out of context…there is a context… and there are constraints…constraints sounds so technical! There are considerations let’s say…, which I must look into. If they call it falling in love, then they should have known that some of us would fall with a parachute, because the impact would be too harsh if one falls anywhere else!

I need the sunrays of clear thought piercing the clouds in my head…

I’m staring in the mirror, and there is a stranger staring right back at me and I hope he tells me something about me that I have not yet known!