Good Advices

The phone rings. It seems to be ringing in the dream I am watching, but it keeps ringing and I’m finally taken away from imagery paradise...

“Hello?”

“Dude, sorry to wake you up at this hr”

If he had said ‘Were you sleeping?” I would have sent a bullet through the airwaves

I recognize the caller

“What’s the matter?”

“Well, I need some advice”

“At this hour? You need some sleep “

“Had it been any other hour, I would have asked for much more”

He says it so matter of fact that I’m taken aback for a second. Oh that’s so generous of you, I think in my mind.

"Shoot”

“Ok. Well..Umm..I have this friend who is new to Pune and he and some friends wanted to know if it was safe to go to Station at this hour... and they stay in Kalyaninagar, kinda inside, so and some of them are in town just for a couple of days you know”

“Have you fallen on your head? Did a bat suck the living wisdom out of you??” It’s ..it’s ( check my watch) 2:40 in the night man!!!” “You are asking the worst...this is not even an advice that you are asking!? I’m not a bloody nightwatchman to be bothered about the nocturnal safe places of visit in the city!

(I’m screaming in a low voice, and it bothers the dog; he gives me a look of tired hopelessness)

“What I wanted your opinion on, is something else”

“ I hope you don’t want to know which particular bakery or tea stall they should visit at 3 am, cause most of the tea stalls don’t have sign boards and I would recommend the Viceroy bakery...can I sleep now?”

“It’s about this girl...well she is with them, and I like her! I know it sounds a bit weird, and well right now I’m headed towards where they are staying, in Kalyaninagar, kinda inside I told you...anyway, so I have my bike and she might ride with me...and I just ...I need an opening”

“An opening?”

“I did break ice in the day when we were together”

(Where did two of you go to break ice, the Alps?) I didn’t say it out loud cause between a good joke and sleep, always go for sleep - you can laugh in your dreams...but this bugger friend of mine was not letting me of the hook just yet.

“that’s grand”

(silence on the other end”)

“Take her to..ummm...Khadakwasla. It’s almost full moon tonight...the lake and moonlight, she by your side etc etc...or go and sit at some secluded place like the Z bridge near Decaan “ (What the hell am I saying!?)

“Well, I was thinking more about your place”

“(upright in the bed)what about my place?”

“Like I can bring her there and we will sit in your balcony and talk till the daybreak”

“Are you crazy? Have you completely lost your already evaporating mind? I’ve a dog, dirty laundry and oh, A DAY TOMORROW!!! No way!”

“ Look, simple advice, don’t get your hopes high...go to Station...have some tea and pastries...take her on a ride...you know the city like no other punk, and just roam around...make conversation. Where is she from by the way?”

“Goa”

“Goa? Hmmm exotic...”

“Just go there and things will happen, that’s the best I can tell you...I’m no Don Juan you know it” (not feeling too proud saying that)

“Are you there?”

“Yes...ok.I’ll see..I’ll try not to mess it up...thanks for talking”

“Relax and just be cool man. Don’t think about the mess, cause you don’t have anything to mess. Be spontaneous”

“Spontaneous”

“Yes”

“Ok. I’ll see you in the morning”

“Hehe...No. I don’t think so. My day will be late by atleast a couple of hours, so ...until some solid double digit hours...goodbye. Take it easy”

“Yeah sure”

I’m back in my bed. This was random, quite so, I mean the conversation. It didn’t make any sense and in the end, I’m damn sure it didn’t help him. It did make me wonder about a certain profession, suddenly. I don’t know why about this particular profession that I found a similarity between it and the conversation I just had:

Is this what consultants do?

The chronicles of loneliness

Lying in the twin sized bed, he is wondering, with a single pillow under his single head. The song is talking about someone on a similar bed, with a similar pillow under a similar head.

He is not alone, he is lonely.

He is inside his dark room, tucked away beneath the dark corridors which only his eyes can see. They are inside him, the corridors, in the morose corner of his mind.

He is longing for a perspective, a view above the horizon. He is not interested in the dark side of the moon, but that’s what he is been getting. He is tired of bits and pieces coming his way.

He is riding an ending spiral. The lights in the room are lit, but he can’t see anything. He is blinded by the sight. His heart is like a window pane after a rain shower, smeared by raindrops, which eventually leave behind the smear marks.

It is no one’s fault. The seats were already taken when he wished to sit. He doesn’t mind standing, as long as there is someone standing by him.

In his head there are only echoes and remains. of friends and lovers, as if they really made his day someday.

He writes to be reached, but the lines are down always.

The Breakup

Snap out of it as soon as possible. Not worth bursting your hearts and brains about it.

The car is in full speed when the blue truck in front suddenly breaks, the trailer behind it turning clockwise, threatening to strike the car out. She breaks hard, and decides to take the car off the highway, into the fields, turning hard to the left. She feels a solid jerk as the car hits the ditch. She misses the sweeping truck by inches; it hits the van that was traveling just ahead of her, the metal making a sad and friction noise, accompanied by the ugly screeching of breaks. Then there is silence. And smoke. She is in a corn field, her rear view mirror showing the metal carnage behind.

She is still, her heart pounding like a hydraulic drill. But she is stable, not trembling. She gets out of the car. The sun is low to the left of her, where the road meets the horizon. From the look of it, it seems no lives might be lost here. A lot of damage to the vehicles.

She is thinking about the fight...or ‘discussion as he preferred calling it. A break up is a break up... no denying its aftershocks. She felt as if it all had been a big deception. NOW it made all sense – just too good to have been true anytime during its two years existence. She never thought he was capable of such a deceit. A lot of other men would have loved her more...and true

“Aap OK hai, ma’m?”

A constable is asking her, from a patrolling jeep that happened to be passing by. His partner is helping the guy from the van.

“I’m fine”

He comes closer and examines her, then the car. The Mini seems in a good condition.

Just the god damned icing on the cake. What a way to get him out of my mind. What a nice accident! No loss of life, just an interruption in the everyday mundane life.

The traffic is mounting on the road, the hint of an inevitable traffic jam. One more police jeep arrives; she hears a cry of sirens getting closer – an ambulance perhaps.

The evening is nice. A cool breeze accompanies the golden sunlight. She feels thrilled. At the expense of some broken bones of complete strangers! The thought brings a smile to her face. Her long, auburn hair is looking like golden fiber optic. She hadn’t felt so relieved in days. And now, thinking about the past few minutes, she realizes that she could have been all but trapped inside the mangled remains of her car, her body twisted in weird shape, medics trying fruitlessly to get her back to breathing. Alright, what’s the big deal? It wasn’t an NDE. Being crippled, now that’s the worst thing. You’re still standing on two.

The truck is spilling beans, from a small slit door that has gotten opened. The beans are a kind she hasn’t seen before. She hears someone calling them oil seeds. The reason for the accident is a broken down Corolla. It has got a big dent on the behind, where the truck had thumped it. A woman is standing a few feet away from the car, with a baby in her arms. Her husband is on the phone, asking for a replacement vehicle.

“Abe car ki wat lag gayi hai, mai jinda hu yahi badi baat hai. Car bhej de...koi bhi bhej yaar, ye saala meeting crucial hai”

“Send me yours then! Just send me a car, any car. I’m at...”

There is space enough only for a single car to pass by, where the truck has come to rest on the road. Its trailer is bent and overturned on its side, blocking the entire left side of the road.

She is still on the Expressway, two hours after the accident, when the crane arrives. An hour later, the road is back to its ‘express’ state.

As she gets in the driver seat, she gets this jolt of relief, a moment of pure joy, almost orgasmic in its nature! She is smiling.

She feels free, away from all that was binding, all that maligned her heart, she feels like a phoenix, rising up and away from the ashes of afflicting memories...she is no more capsizing...it’s a new day for her, the night is no more dark.

As she enters the sleeping city, she knows the day would be one of the loveliest ever.

Witpick of the day!

If the grass is greener on the other side, then the guy with the greener grass doesn't think your grass is greener now does he?

witpick of the day!

Pretty girls like to recruit their rejections and call them friends

A line matters!

Movie taglines are the one line telling of the entire story. They can be quite effective in catching the attention..or not! These are ten of the more memorable ones, in no particular order.

"The truth can be adjusted" - Michael Clayton

"Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire" - Schindler's List

"Movie-wise, there has never been anything like it - laugh-wise, love-wise, or otherwise-wise!" - The Apartment

"A homespun murder story." - Fargo

"On every street in every city, there's a nobody who dreams of being a somebody." - Taxi Driver

"Stealin' Stones and Breakin' Bones" - Snatch.

"Movies were his passion. Women were his inspiration. Angora sweaters were his weakness." - Ed Wood

"In October of 1994 three student filmmakers disappeared in the woods near Burkittsville, Maryland, while shooting a documentary...A year later their footage was found." - The Blair Witch Project

" The Strangest Vengeance Ever Planned!" - Touch of Evil

"The mission is a man." - Saving Private Ryan

Foo fighters, toothpicks etc

There is a lot of time on my hands these days. Especially when I'm up around 6 a.m.! I go jogging, no kidding!

TV is boring, the IPL is very monotonous, and though I do read books, somehow that has gone down a bit.

So, I turned to the internet. Wikipedia to be precise. I started reading there, on a variety of topics.

The state of Maine in the US is the largest exporter of blueberries and toothpicks! Isn't that interesting! I have never tasted a blueberry, but I'm sure I would like it! It's blue after all, my favorite colour. And toothpicks, ah! I had a good four years training on them! I had braces.

And the UFOs! The probable reasons given for UFOs are - clouds, lightening, commercial planes, squid boats' lights reflected on the clouds(!), Venus, Mercury, baloons, light houses etc.

There is a page on wiki which lists the UFO sightings so far around the globe.

Some of them are really dumb - especially abductions - Who would believe that a Brazilian (or was it French?) farm worker was abducted by these little aliens, and on the ship, he had sex with this fab alien blond! Sounds promising; but what if she came back and claimed child support? Do they accept Mastercard in Andromeda galaxy?

One Chinese guy even claims that after he got lucky ( in his case, the alien blond came to his bedroom!) and when they took him to the ship, he was told that in sixty years on some planet, a Chinese peasants child would be born! I mean come on! Mao in the milky way!? No way!

A few accounts seem quite genuine - those reported by air force pilots of different countries. In some cases they include the UFO's radar signature, which strengthens the assumption that there must have been something up there! Most notable is the Tehran incident of 1976 and the Caron Sink incident, 1952

These stories are an interesting read. And there are plenty of them so I'm not complaining!

P.S. - What's a foo fighter? Any guesses?